Over the past, 8 weeks, or 11 months my life or our lives have changed dramatically for the better. It's been an emotional rollercoaster that has many times derailed and gotten back on its tracks. To go back and think about my life previous to my beautiful (and perfect) daughter everything was easy. I never took into account being able to live my life for myself, coming and going as I please and looking out for my best interests; no one else. It all changed in one night after 4 pregnancy tests, yes 4, two were enough for me, however, Eric, my fiance was not satisfied with just two. The end of January my life as I knew it was changed forever, for the better. My life plan at the time did not include a child but I was overwhelmed with happiness no longer was I living for myself I was living for my baby. My plan had changed in 8 months I would be a mother. It hit me the first night, sleepless laying in bed worrying about everything: baby's health, my relationship with Eric, my health, our lives, money, my job... but I woke up the next day happy as could be being pregnant was the best thing that ever happended to me.
My pregnancy had many ups and downs. Big downer: I hated and still hate my job, but needed insurance. Which pretty much affected my entire pregancy. 40 hours a week, half an hour job there, to be treated like, excuse my like, but shit, but the majority of people that walked into the bank. Not getting home til 6 at night and being too exhausted to stay up past 8 made my life, sleeping and work, little time to enjoy anything at all
Most nights coming home in an awful mood.
My outlook on work had changed. Why would I want to spend my life working, thinking driving home everynight I left at 745 in the morning not getting home until 6 at night how could I even spend quality time with my children. How does anyone do this? Why have children if you never see them. I understand that you have to do what you have to do to make ends meet but why have children if you never see them. Not fair to them or even you. Now having a child, the most important aspect of my life, working my life away is not what is important, my family is most important.
When I was in college I was focused on me and myself. Much more selfish at the time I was focused on the dollar sign not the happiness having a family could provide. My outlook on life, not good, living life one day at time, and partying my heart out not the best decision I had ever made in my life and took me a long time to realize what I was living for and what was important in my life. I don't know if it was all of the sudden my attitude changed and perspective on life had done a 180 but I know it was for the better.
Fortunately, I have found someone that can take care of me and my family so I can go back to school and get a great paying job does not require me to spend my life consumed by working. So that I can watch my children grow up and be a good mom.
Life has been difficult since the birth of our child. I got sick twice, was on medicine for 5 weeks. And yet again was at the doctors Saturday morning because I have thrush. Eric and I have been on a rocky road as well. I feel like we fell off the horse. My life is now focused on Henley she matters the most. There have been countless sleepless nights and learning how to take care of a child has been the most challenging job I have ever had! It's been great though, she makes me smile when I'm upset and always there to listen when I need to talk. I hope I have the relationship she with her that I have with my mom very open and that she can talk to me about anything. I love her more than anything in the world. She is my everything and always will be. She my best friend already and she can't even talk!
This was a very jumbled mess and not the best writing but I had to get it all out! Better writing down the road promise!
